How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
