Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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