a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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