??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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