Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize