I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
