I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
