How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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