It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
