We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
