I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
