i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
