90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
