Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
