Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
