Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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