i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
