I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
