would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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