My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
