16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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