i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Randomize
