Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
