I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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