My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found your dick twin last night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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