She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
