i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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