I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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