im about as happy as oj after his trial
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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