Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
