wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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