yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
