So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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