drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
