ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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