you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
