Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
