so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
