dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize