pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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