i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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