I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
