So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
