Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
