I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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