i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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