You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
