Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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