i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize