So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
