I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
