sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
