Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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