Quick, to the slutcave!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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