Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
