Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
