you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
