I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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