i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
