She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
