I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
