I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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