I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
