You just made me feel so damn special
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
