come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
