I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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