I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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