I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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