He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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