just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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