Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize