good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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