Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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