I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize