saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
