I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
