the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
