I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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