I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
