All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
