Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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