Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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