I will die if light touches me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
