dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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