dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
