How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
