that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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