Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
