Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
